scattered beauty

My mind has become consumed with so many thoughts these past few weeks.
I feel almost like I have no control over them.
My mind has focused on certain thoughts that have been contradictory to where I should be.
People tell me that I am to hard on myself, but really if its not me then who?
Who is going to hold me accountable to the things that I need to be accountable to.
There have been many questions on my mind, and I have been searching for an answer yet I still come up short.
Where am I going and what will I do are questions that I cannot answer, but there are other such questions that i am trying to answer. Like is this really a good idea to find interest that I hardly know? and why is it that I am seeking to spend more and more time with them?
What is it that continues to push me too fast into something, and what are the things that hold me back?
Why can't life have a happy medium with desires and the things that are healthy for us?
Where do I even begin to find that medium?
I know that the answer is in God, but how do you deal when you are forced to wait and you don't get an answer?
How long will that be enough?
What can I do, besides sit and wait to be steered?
How are you going to ask me to just be steered?
I don't know if you know this yet, I like to lead.
Its just my personality.
I just want to give this all away, and just slip into the beauty of the day.
can someone just sit with me and just absorb the beauty that sits before us?
Oh how I cannot wait til the day that my companion comes along that we might soak in the beauty that has been wrapped up with a pretty bow and given to us to enjoy.
can we just take a moment and watch the beauty of the earth
the beauty that was created to be enjoyed
May we just take a moment and sit back and slow this hectic life that we have been forced to run?
oh why can't we just take a stroll in the park, sit on the beach enjoy the sunset or be free in the beauty
I just want to sit and absorb the beauty of the people of this world.
why can't that be a career?
I can't really create beauty, but what a joy just to soak it in
There is a piece of my soul that simply want to just sit here and watch the world radiate with its beauty
someone take me on a stroll
let us sit on the beach
let us sail into the colors of the sky
let us talk the day away and share a comfort in the beauty that has been so generously given to us